I would have to say, W T F

I have just recieved my midterm marks yesterday!! YIKES! I've been such a ditz in all of my classes....it's my poor performance in class activity!! And I have such low low marks!! A lot of people would say "So what? I don't do my homework, assignments, and I skip classes a lot... and I still pass!" PSH, fuck you! People always say that...it's because they ACTUALLY DO THEIR WORK...they basically say it because they don't meant it that they do it frequently or put on much effort with time in it. This 2nd semester, I have a LOW average...shocking...espcially coming from an Asian...oh well I know many Asians like this in Zuup ;)





All I can say is that I'm getting a 42% in math!! Damn, I've been getting high 80's in math last year ;(





Art I'm getting a 52...I bet you're just LOLing your ass off saying how I can be getting a low mark in Art. Well its the art history itself...pisses me off!





Anyways, now I finally know what is going on between my friend's and I. They claimed they do not hate me, which I find that a little ridiculous at first. They were mad at me for having other friends. So they assumed that I ditched them for my other friends, and said it was my choice.



I laughed.





So all this time...they were acting a little awkward around me from that?! OHOHOHO.... from things like this from gr.11's & 12's...that is totally ridiculous! BUT, I guess its A L ITTLE understandable that from the past I've been a bitch to them, so from my standards they can get easily pissed off from things like this dealing with ME. Or either, they must use this as an excuse to not talk to me or whatsoever...as because they are still mad from the things from the past, and I can understand that...now firstly...they must be NEUTRAL and understand/know my side of view BEFORE they can hold and assumptions towards me...I figure this whole thing out when I asked one of them to tag along to Anime North... like I wanted to tag along with them to Anime North... because I was planning to go with my other friends at first...the reasons?! Well....;

a) I'm planning to skip school on the first day of the event [and they wouldn't even skip as they're going together as a club group]
b)I have to get my pass card and thing from another friend ASAP
c)Other friends invited me first

Fuse these together, and you'll get the story. I wanted to tag along with the friends from school, because likely I havent hung out with them for such a long time. This 3rd year so far...they haven't invited me anywhere with them...especially one of their bday celebration. I most likely don't make events...I just follow around whenever things happen...or I can urge to go somewhere, but that is just my wishings, I barely do actual plannings. Oh also, when I say "follow around" don't fucking say "dont be a follower, be a leader" FUCK OFF! I hear this all the time whenever I say that line...I don't mean it in that sense fucktards. And I do my own thing...I'm not gonna be a follower that becomes many of those millions of leaders.

I remember talking to the "friend" on msn about somewhat on this [ok well actually the things above are not involved] but I try explaining to her on behalf of my view....I checked back the convo...and silly me I wrote "ignore"...I wasn't blantly ignoring them at all...why did I even type that?... OK OK OK you guys are probably confused now! Here's the summary.

FROM BEGINNING TO END [from both views]

-So something was pretty awkward and fishy around my "school friends". [well at the moment, we're not friends not I guess]

-I still talk to them and all that...I just don't see them that much.... [90% of them has different lunch, I come in the morning sometimes late, I don't hang after school anymore as I rush to home most of the time]

-They consider that "weird" because "all of the sudden" I started talking to them

-Claims that I'm not going too well with my other friends so they claim that I'm going "back to them" to use them as back-up friends

-Claims that they do not hate me nor ignoring me but...more like they "disagree with me" [I got lost when one said that]

-Still angry from the past on what I did, so they want me to apologize [sounds like they're itching to have me on my knees as well...] for what I've done...

-I got no invites, so therefore I am a loner in school [ok well...not really...I still got some friends! ;)]

-Some de-friended me on facebook...mostly the ones I barely hang out the most and see all the time...like wtf...which proves they've been preventing people to actually go near me [such as one of my good friend already...that they're already trying to push her away from me]

-Many negative assumptions and predictions

-Before I knew most of this, I talked to "one" about it whom was part of the "group", but apparently...a couple of days after they knew some things I've been asking/wondering/ranting...soo...I guess I cant trust anyone there


So lets see...with the things from the past...I do agree I should apologize [well to me...I'm the type of person...who can accept an indirect apology...you know...something has gone wrong...no apologies...but back to being "good friends with good times together again..."], and I'm ready to...but its not exactly a good time...or hence, are THEY ready?

With that last point above there...its exactly what causes the rude bashing on my youtube channel [and MAYBE perhaps the crank calling]... plus the 2nd rude basher's [in youtube] typing seem pretty familiar...hmmmm ;)

Friday, April 24, 2009 Permalink|0 Comment

Whoever you are, you better stop calling me

So the whole youtube thing ended, or well...paused for now. I was quite glad, maybe they read my previous post? Perhaps, but I can't really count on that. They probably wouldnt waste their time reading my blurbs so they can waste their own time SAYING blurbs. Life is tough. Tsk tsk tsk. I understand that this is the INTERNET and many people are stronger behind computers and such. But this situation is mainly from a girl, or perhaps a few girls from my school. And this kept on going and going. Especially when I recently got crank calls, Ugh.



So Thursday was the day before the Easter break! It was a damn good break I must say, well I didn't really do much. On Thursday, I went to my first period class, hand in my forged letter to my secretary to sign off to went up to Richmond Hill. Of course, I had to look good before I set off my little adventure, I don't dress... [well actually, dressing doesn't count in school since we wear uniforms...unless we have civies day] I mean, I don't plaster myself with makeup and with nicely groomed hair to school [but hey, the hair must stay normal! Not saying that I would leave it like a ragged cat's fur!] and I do actually look like a geek in school, like a total geek. Of course, in the real world, appearences plays a major role, and I am portrayed as a quiet, innocent, weird, kind, anime-loving girl. Yet of course since I am Asian, a lot of people will see my as "anime girl", because of my heritage, but duh, I love anime anyways. I fit in those categories I listed but that doesn't mean they're really 100% and it also doesn't mean that they're the only categories I'm in, psh, please!



So anyways, back to the topic. During my Easter weekend, I chilled with some of my friends up at Richmond Hill throughout the whole day, and around midnight I travelled back to downtown and slept over a friend's. Of course its quite difficult to convince my raging parents. Yet again, life is tough.



During the Friday, while having some fun time in downtown with my friends I've been getting calls. Silly calls from this girl. Her voice seems so...perky...really! It seems that her vocals are forced, to make it seem childlish and fakish, just to mess with me. And this person kepts on calling and calling. It really pisses me off. And they call again somewhat on Saturday I guess, and tried to call me on Sunday, but I missed them. I'm assuming that one of them works at Shopper Drug Mart...I had one missed call from that and an hour later a missed called from the pranksters. I have no associations with Shoppers, so that I'm just guessing, plus also the prankster's number is hidden, so my phone only displays WITHELD on it.

It was pretty irritating, I let my guidance know about anyways.


Until next time...





KAYSTAR

Tuesday, April 14, 2009 Permalink|0 Comment

*Gasp* A new blog? Let's get this started...

If you want to, go bother reading my shit!

Yet again, I made another blog. How many blogs do I have so far? Looks like a complete waste of making multiple blogs, while I can put all of my blogs in one, but then again I would like to keep them categorized. As I have Asian pop culture blogs dealing with celebrities and musicians, a personal blog, and so on. What about this one?, you may ask...Well this can be more like a little blog that I can just rant, share my shits and probably few other things. Nothing personal here if I ever talk about my day and crap, but maybe more or less. I haven't blogged for ages, and as I've said many times...it's school and laziness. I made this blog 2 months ago, a day before I turned 17.

Enough of this crap, time for me to let out my shit!

Ok, sooo, I've lost friends. Mainly from school, and I created a small mob of haters. Partially my fault, but probably partially their fault. Well, most people can be at fault for things, no? You're probably wondering why this happened. I will tell you a story at least, but I can't guaranteed that I know exactly why I have people disliking and hating me. It won't be long, but at least I can just summarize this.

I was really naive in gr.9, still naive but a little less in gr.10. I'm not sure about myself this year, but I can be for sure that I've grown stronger, and I'll say why afterwards. I have a weird personality, and I can get aggressive sometimes, as I used to have a ditzy mind [I'm probably still ditzy lol]. I've hurt a friend, it was just between us, and I regretted that. A lot of my other friends loves her, and yes, its completely my fault for hurting her. Between us 2, we knew the problem and we solved the problem together, sometimes people butt into it, which pisses me off a lot. I know that they're my...well actually our friends, and I totally understand that, but that doesn't mean they have to butt into our little privacy. I'm also a type of person who can't always rely on my friends for everything, even if it may seem like that to them, I can't. My personality is not a fitted match for my friends at school [or hence, used-to-be friends for some], but at least I tried, same hobbies and same favourites, but still not right. Whenever something is wrong which involves me and my friend[s], it's always me that I'm blamed for. What can I say? I am a bitch...but that doesn't mean I'm label as ONE thing only. I don't really like fights, and I would try to keep peace. First semester of gr.11, I kept it cool. They tell me to change myself, psh, NEVER. I will NEVER EVER FUCKING EVER change myself...but I would tone my personality down of course.

Ever since from gr.11 first semester, I leaned towards new friends, that I can actually fit in, and that people can actually understand me, but I'm not departing myself from my "friends" at school. But then there hits GOSSIP AND RUMORS. No matter, how much I asked, they wont tell, and thought I play dumb to them. Rumors includes me calling someone and saying something rude to them on the phone, and some sort. Ever since the beginning of gr.11 at least, I barely talk to people at my school, most of the time is friends that are outside of school. Who the fuck makes up bogus rumors about me?

But one thing is, are they telling each other things accurately? Telling others the exact same things and using the right words about me? Are they exaggerating?

Who knows, but recently I've grown a lot of haters. Good people that I haven't done anything or say anything to them ended up leaving me as a friend too, probably its just my personality they dislike, and if its for that, I have no complaints at all. And here is the truth: I HAVE NO CLUE WHATS GOING ON. BUT, I knew somewhere from the start when it happeneds, for people to leave and hate on me. With all these INDIRECT messages going around, I'm not stupid nor oblivious about these things, even If I reply and made myself seemed like I have no clue at all, trust me, I KNOW.

It's true, that I DID badmouth about my school friends from the past and all that, and when I'm pissed, I rant to a good friend about it. But another thing that I wouldn't do is; I don't assume shit and make up out of it, use incorrect words to describe any particular situations, make other people to dislike the person whom I don't like, and all things like that, and plenty of more I guess, but I can't think of any more of these things. I remember printing out a fight conversations, just to show it to a friend, and rant about it, and maybe show off claiming I would report it to a special someone, but I didn't and wouldn't anyways.

But right now I know I have a lot of friends...and some of the haters. I have other people who didn't want me as a friend; but they don't hate me at all, but wouldn't be involved with me, as my personality isn't for them.

I love my haters. They're that driving force behind me that can push me up further to grow and become stronger, without them, I wouldn't have a happier life...it's true!!! That is why I became more stronger.

You know there are the smart haters, and the stupid haters...and stupid haters tends to get under my skin sometimes, but hey, I'm a human too. So let me list some of the things that are categorized under.

So in MY situation, there are...

SMART HATERS:
-Would mention about me
-Hates me
-Rants somewhat about me
-Have a decent reason
-De-friends me [in real life and community sites]
-Leaves indirect messages, to give me the clue
-At least still talks to me when they have to or need to
-Wouldn't even bother thinking about me that much, as they need to move on
-At least kept things neutral

and of course there are the...

STUPID HATERS:
-Would mention about me almost everyday
-Would use me as the hottest topic in their conversations
-Some hates me when they don't know me or haven't spoken a word to me
-New stupid haters would believe everything what the stupid haters say and begin hating
-Stalks information on what I'm up to or what I've known so far
-Leaves indirect messages, thinking I'm too oblivious to know
-Talks to me, and may use me to fool around with, and won't show that they hate me
-Still "friends" with me [also on community sites], to see what I'm up to next and stalk my pictures, and probably exploit them or something
-Believes in anything negative about me, assumes negative actions that they think I would do
-Hates me to death that they can't stop thinking about me

If you go to my Youtube channel, you'll see that I have negative and hateful comments. They don't bother me that much, but they themselves bothers me, AS THEY KEPT ON CHECKING UP ON ME AND KEEPING UPDATE...WHAT AM I? A CELEBRITY? PSH. Thank you for making me feel like I'm one.

One users kepts on checking me up and leaving comments, what triggers this person is this other person, whom I actually replied to, she left:

You look kinda like a sick emo :s
You're photoshopping a bit too much D:
sry

Now, what bothers me foremost is the spelling I'm seeing [seriously, I'm like that somehow]. I always notice these silly little small things first. Now...

Nothing wrong with the first line, but probably it would be more effective if wrote "You kinda look like a sick emo" instead. But its ok I guess.

NEXT

"You're photoshopping a bit too much" <--- So wait...what?! If you break it down its read like "You are photoshopping a bit too much". It makes sense, but I know what this person is trying to say...its supposed to be "Your photoshopping is a bit too much". The "you're" has you and are together in it....GOSH it's like I'm giving grammar lessons LOL

So nothing wrong or anything bothering from this person who said that, but I guess their friend seem to hate me a lot more.

i agree with -----------, but i also think ur a slut and a bitch

Labels: delirious chic kaystar

Sunday, April 5, 2009 Permalink|0 Comment

TEST

Friday, February 6, 2009 Permalink|0 Comment